Kids' Discipleship & Family Integrated Worship

One of the things I love about Christ Church is the privilege of worshiping alongside

children. I’ve heard from so many of you that it’s something you enjoy and value, too. Yet

we should certainly acknowledge that family-integrated worship brings with it a handful of challenges. In this letter, I intend to set the vision for why we value family-integrated

worship, and perhaps to address some of the challenges with helpful ways forward.

Before I continue: If you do not have kids of your own, please still read this letter through

to the end. As a church family, this affects all of us!

 

This letter contains four reasons why we prioritize family-integrated worship, a note on ages of kids, and five suggestions to make it sustainable and joyful for all.

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4 Reasons Why We Value Children in the Worship Gathering

 

#1 Because the Bible sets the pattern.

Some passages in Scripture are descriptive, telling us what they did; and some passages are prescriptive, telling us what we ought to do. As a Reformed church, we believe that the Bible should guide our life and worship. So when the Bible describes right worship of God, we ought to at least listen to and consider its wisdom.

 

I find at least a few places in Scripture that describe children as present participants in the

gathered worship of the church.

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Deuteronomy 31:11–13

“...when all Israel comes to appear before the LORD your God at the place

that he will choose, you shall read this law before all Israel in their hearing.

Assemble the people, men, women, and little ones, and the sojourner

within your towns, that they may hear and learn to fear the LORD your

God, and be careful to do all the words of this law, and that their children,

who have not known it, may hear and learn to fear the LORD your God, as

long as you live in the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess.”

 

Joshua 8:35

There was not a word of all that Moses commanded that Joshua did not

read before all the assembly of Israel, and the women, and the little ones,

and the sojourners who lived among them. 

 

From both of these Old Testament passages, we find that men, women, and the little ones are invited to the gathered worship of God’s people, for the hearing of God’s word and for instruction.

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The New Testament also seems to carry forward this expectation:

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Ephesians 6:1–4

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father

and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go

well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not

provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and

instruction of the Lord.

 

Colossians 3:20–21

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers,

do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

 

In both of these letters, Paul addresses fathers. Why? Because he expects them to be present in the gathered worship of the church, where his letters are read aloud as the word of God. And in both of these letters, he addresses children, for the same reason.

 

#2 Because we value the preaching of the gospel.

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Romans 10:13–17

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How then

will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to

believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear

without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are

sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the

good news!” But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah says,

“Lord, who has believed what he has heard from us?” So faith comes from

hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.

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Paul taught that the preaching of God’s word is the primary, ordained means by which God grants and awakens faith in all people. We love Bible teaching, whether it’s in a podcast, a Sunday school class, a youth group, etc. But there is a distinction in Scripture between talking about or teaching the Bible, and the preaching of God’s word.

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We want kids in the worship gathering for a lot of reasons, but a very important one to me is so that they might hear the preaching of God’s word (which is “the word of Christ” — in other words, it’s not because I’m a decent preacher, but because through human preaching, Christ preaches), so that they might believe, call upon the name of the Lord, and be saved.

 

Since Christ Church began, my youngest has heard the preaching of the gospel at least 156 times (at the time I wrote this letter). By the time she graduates high school, she’ll have heard something like 700 sermons.

 

I don’t have much trust in my own preaching abilities, but I have faith in God and in his

promises — and he has promised to make special use of the preaching of his word to give

and awaken faith, in us and in our children.

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#3 Because kids pick up more than we think.

I wish you could have been sitting around the dinner table with my family last night,

hearing the questions the kids were asking. They were deep and insightful. It was just one

more piece of evidence that kids are listening more than we think; they’re picking up on

more than we think.

 

If you have small children, you will probably already have started to notice: perhaps they

know the words to beautiful songs of praise. Or they’ve started asking big questions about

ideas and truths they’ve heard in the sermon.

 

They’re learning. They’re growing. They’re learning to pray, learning to praise, learning to listen, learning to confess, learning to repent, and learning to love and admire Jesus Christ.

 

#4 Because our kids need to see us worship.

One of my earliest memories is singing hymns in church with my family, and hearing the

deep rumble of my dad’s voice lifted in glad and sincere worship of Christ, with my ear

pressed to his chest. I still remember how the vibrations of his praise felt.

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We are deeply formed by early impressions of our parents — I don’t need to convince you of that. I really believe that our kids need to see mom and dad praying; hearing the word of God; confessing our sins and receiving the forgiveness of Christ; gladly receiving the Lord’s Supper. As we worship the Lord in glad sincerity, we are modeling and teaching our kids to do the same; we are discipling them, and helping them follow Jesus.

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What Ages?

 

Nehemiah 8:1–8

And all the people gathered as one man into the square before the Water

Gate. And they told Ezra the scribe to bring the Book of the Law of Moses

that the LORD had commanded Israel. So Ezra the priest brought the Law

before the assembly, both men and women and all who could understand

what they heard, on the first day of the seventh month. And he read from it

facing the square before the Water Gate from early morning until midday,

in the presence of the men and the women and those who could

understand. ... And Ezra blessed the LORD, the great God, and all the

people answered, “Amen, Amen,” lifting up their hands. And they bowed

their heads and worshiped the LORD with their faces to the ground. Also

Jeshua, Bani, Sherebiah, Jamin, Akkub, Shabbethai, Hodiah, Maaseiah,

Kelita, Azariah, Jozabad, Hanan, Pelaiah, the Levites, helped the people to

understand the Law, while the people remained in their places. They read

from the book, from the Law of God, clearly, and they gave the sense, so

that the people understood the reading.

 

It’s important to remember that we don’t believe in mystical, “spiritual osmosis.” We believe that God’s word does not return void (Isaiah 55:10–11), yet we don’t believe that the Bible is magic. For the topic at hand, it is important that we have the capacity to understand the word read and preached. So the question is: at what age are children able to begin helpfully understanding what happens in a worship gathering?

 

In Nehemiah 8 (above), the worship gathering included men, women, and “all who could

understand.” And those preaching and teaching God’s word did their best to do so with

clarity, and to “give the sense,” so that everyone present could understand.

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The Bible doesn’t specify an age that we should expect a child to begin attending the

worship gathering; that’s left up to us. But I think a good question to ask is, “How much of

this can they understand?”

 

For our family, we saw many glimmers of understanding around age 4. By age 6, our kids

were much more engaged, getting quite a lot out of it. That might be different for your

family.

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Five Helpful Suggestions

There are a lot of churches that don’t share these values, or that apply them differently. But I want you all to understand why Christ Church is the way it is, so we can move forward together in unity and joy!

 

As I said earlier, being a family-integrated church brings its own unique challenges. And it’s best to face them head on and talk about them, so that we can help each other and our

children flourish together as the family of God. So what follows are some suggestions that

may be helpful. These may seem like small things, but loving one another often looks like

attending to small things.

 

#1 Prepare for Sunday with your kids.

Each week I try to send out an email that includes the passage we’ll be hearing from on

Sunday. Both we and our kids will be more engaged, more attentive, and better prepared if we read and discuss the passage before Sunday!

 

#2 Make use of the kids rooms during the service.

Because of the principle taught in Nehemiah 8 (“all who could understand”), we see it as a

kindness to the children and the rest of the congregation to have a classroom and a nursery provided for the youngest children who won’t be able to get much/anything out of the worship gathering.

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Our older class accepts kids into 1st grade (you will know whether your 1st grader will be

most helped by the kids class or by staying in service), and our nursery is available for

babies. There is also a private space for nursing mothers in the nursery, so please feel free to use that if it’s helpful to you. (And as a quick sidebar: I remember what it’s like dropping off tiny kids at nursery, when they’re fussing and want to be with you; I just want to encourage you young parents for a moment, our volunteers don’t mind if they fuss a bit! It’s up to you of course, we just don’t want you to worry about inconveniencing our kids volunteers — they’re awesome at what they do!)

 

We certainly don’t require anyone to make use of the kids ministry, but we want you to

know that Christ Church Kids is here to love and serve you and your family!

 

#3 Make use of the lobby.

We usually have a good quality livestream of the worship gathering on a TV in the lobby,

with the volume cranked up. So if you’ve got a little one in service who is struggling, you

are very welcome to hang out with them in the lobby! And we hope that with the livestream on, you’ll still be able to participate in that way in the worship gathering.

 

I also want to encourage all of us to not make the lobby a place of casual conversation

during the worship gathering. Let’s all love and respect one another by allowing it be a

space where parents can still hear the preaching of God’s word!

 

#4 Continue training your kids on appropriate behavior in the worship gathering.

As a dad, I have wished so badly that my kids would just notice what appropriate behavior is, and put it into practice! But alas, it is not always to be. I’m afraid we have to be quite clear and direct with kids — and it’s actually a kindness to them. As we teach and enforce (and reinforce) appropriate behavior, we’re loving them and the rest of the church really well!

 

A quick word on practicalities... here are a handful of things that present difficulties or

dangers on Sunday morning:

• Running in and out of the curtains in the gym. It’s a tempting shortcut! But they are fairly unstable, and have been pulled down a couple times already, nearly landing on a child. Our kids will need us to reinforce and regulate this, since it seems so harmless and enticing.

• Climbing on the bleachers. Not only is it loud, but there (unfortunately) important cables stretched out over the bleachers most mornings. It is a tripping hazard, and could be very costly to our tech team.

• Running through the gym before the Worship Gathering. This is a tough one. It is, after all, a gym! I’m asking you as parents (and practicing this myself) to apply oversight and wisdom to your child during the 9–10am time. If the gym becomes a place of running and ball-throwing before church, not only is it unwelcoming to those coming to worship, but also a bit dangerous.

 

Clear, calm reminders from parents—and patient grace from the rest of us—will keep our

gathering a peaceful place for everyone.

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In general, you as a parent are going to know best when to gently and firmly guide your

child’s behavior in the worship gathering in a way that loves and serves them well, and

loves and serves the others in the congregation well, too. If there are specific things we can do to help support you in that, please let me know! We’re all in this together.

 

#5 To those without small kids...

If you don’t have kids in the service, you have a role to play as well: it falls to you to be

patient, gentle, and loving to the parents and children. Pray for them, and encourage them! You are these kids’ spiritual aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters. And we are all in this together.

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A final word...

 

Y’all, this church is ALIVE! And I love it. I love worshiping with your kids, and mine; I love hearing them belt out the songs; I LOVE Kids Talks, and the amazing insights and questions they bring; I love how encouraging those without kids are to the families.

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I love the collection of drawings on my desk that your kids have handed me after church. I love the paper airplanes I’ve been given (they’re particularly good at loop-the-loops). And I love that you all are joyfully willing to gather together as one body of Christ, spanning all kinds of ages, to worship.

 

If you have any questions about our philosophy of ministry or any other practicalities, please don’t hesitate to reach out: watson@christchurchtn.com

 

I love you all, and look forward to Sunday!

Pastor Jon